If I were only Kelly, Jamie, Sarah, Paul ……then my life would be happy and fulfilled. These thoughts familiar at some point in your life?
In the courage to be disliked, the philosopher brings our attention to the futility of seeking happiness through holding the desire or wish to be someone else. Setting our goal to be someone else is not workable and only serves to validate the idea that we are not loveable and not ok just as we are. Learning to accept ourselves and not wanting to be a different person is one of the goals of Adlerian psychology. A key concept is that it isn’t important what you are born with, it is what you make of what you have. There will always be someone to compare yourself to. Someone who looks like they have more – they are prettier, fitter, wealthier, have a friendlier personality, they have more friends. From the outside it looks like life comes easily for them, like they have somehow escaped the sting of duality. I am sure however, that whoever they are, they experience their own struggles and do their own comparison.
How does fixating on what you were born with, comparisons to other’s contribute to your happiness? From the perspective of Adlerian psychology it is a choice to be unhappy. It would beg the question of what the current goal of is doing the things that make you unhappy. What is the goal of comparing yourself to others ? Perhaps if you put it down to other people have it better, it lets you off the hook for taking responsibility ( respond with ability) to do the actions required to make the change in your life. What if you fail? What if you are disliked? Rejected ? While painful, is it more comfortable to say I am just not like so and so and dwell in your misery than to challenge yourself to grow, evolve and face the cold hard truths about yourself. On the path of the courageous , there will be different kinds of negative feelings before self-love seeps in as you reach your goals of happiness.
Marianne Love
Join us on the journey of self empowerment with Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha, me and the other international co-hosts on Quantum Leap Book Club on Law of Attraction Radio Network at https://www.loaradionetwork.com/quantum-leap or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/thequantumleapbookclub
Co-host Marianne Love
U ne’ ga Ka’lanu