According to Adlerian psychology, both praising and rebuking another creates a vertical, hierarchical relationship and both are forms of manipulation. They come from the perspective that the one with ability pass judgement on the person who has no ability. A vertical relationship reenforces inferiority and superiority and doesn’t foster self-esteem. A fundamental principle of Adlerian psychology is that all relationships should be horizontal relationships. Horizontal mean equal but not necessarily the same.
Both praised and providing intervention lead people to feel they have no ability. If we intervene on another person’s tasks we are involved in vertical relationships. This is a challenging concept particularly in the area parenting. Should a parent say good job, you have to go to school, and naughty, bad job? According to Adlerian psychology, this is all vertical and hierarchical. To foster self-esteem, one can share appreciation and gratitude and rejoice in the beingness of a person. One could support and offer assistance, and respect that boundary of whose task it is. What could a child take responsibility for in their own life tasks?
If we are doing activities to seek praise, then we are wanting the judgement of another person that we are good. This would mean that the measure of good or bad is set by another person’s yard stick. So, to seek praise, we need to adapt to another person’s yard stick and break from one’s own freedom.
We can feel value for ourselves when we accept the things we cannot change about ourselves and change the things we can. When we participate in horizontal relationships and don’t compare ourselves to others. We are all equal and different. We have value at the level of beingness simply because we exist. We all have unique gifts to come to know and allow through. For example, parents could be grateful for their children as they are and not compare their kids to an ideal image. Let imagine that the ideal image of a child is 100 points, in vertical relationships, a parent will take points off when the kids doesn’t live up to the ideal image. From an Adlerian perspective, instead of doing that, one could start from zero points and add points to their child. In doing that they should be able to bring out the essence and unique of the child and foster their self-esteem.
I invite you love yourself and to have the courage to change, and learn more with Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha, me and the other international co-hosts on Quantum Leap Book Club on Law of Attraction Radio Network at https://www.loaradionetwork.com/quantum-leap or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/thequantumleapbookclub
Marianne Love