Adlerian psychology recognises the presence and influence of emotions in our life experience. It does however suggest that while we have emotions, we are not controlled by them. We in fact can resist emotions and in doing so we are saying we are not controlled by the past either. No matter has happened in the past, it is the meaning we give it that determines our current emotion.
As a psychologist with years of experience in sharing in people’s stories and journeys, there is one things very clear: People can change the meaning they give any story. People will often say, since I became a mother, I understand now what my mother went through and they notice compassion take the place of resentment. Imagine a scenario where two children in the same family experience their parent’s divorcing. They will each have their own unique perspective, emotions, and interpretations of the experience. And as each of them grow and mature, their perspective will also shift and change. No perspective is set in concrete and therefore no emotion is set in concrete. Feeding the brain new information, and reflecting on this information, applying it and making new decisions and actions is the key to change.
So according to Adlerian psychology, people are not driven by past causes but move towards goals they themselves set. This can be a tricky concept to fully grasp. What they are suggesting is that for any emotion and behaviour we currently experience, there is a current payoff. We are using it to achieve a current goal. For example – if a person has a fear of rejection, they may say they are too busy to write that book. One way to overcome this avoidance of the task is to write the book and face the fear of rejection. Feel uncomfortable, fearful, and do it anyway. Face the posibility of being disliked and rejected. The fear will either be realised or dispelled. Either way they are liberated. They may work out that they are in fact not good at writing. In this case, they can practice more and improve or they can free themselves from the dream of being a writer and go and do another activity that may bring more satisfaction. By getting conscious of the current goal, having the courage to face fear, and challenge the innate avoidance, we can be truly free and happy.
Marianne Love