Anita has a beautiful way of writing and sharing her story. She takes us on a journey through her childhood, rich in culture, colour, and love of her mother, brother and nanny. It was a past tainted by bullying, not fitting in, suppression and confusion. She struggled to consolidate her understanding between hindism, catholism and her Indian family culture and broader western culture she was emersed. She wanted deeply to fit in, and be like her peers however being the only hindu in a catholic school and later the only Indian in a school full of blood haired, blue eyed expats left her always on the outer. In fact the only time she felt popular and like she fitted in was when she was older and in the Vedic teachings. She wished that she could be as popular in her western school she attended.
Bullying as a child turned into being held back from partaking in going out with her friends as a teenager. Her parents wanted her to become a good hindu, Indian wife and accept her place in the family. Her father didn’t want her to travel, or study abroad and he knew he would not be able to control her, and she would be influenced away from what was important to them. She tried her best, however she just didn’t fit in…she was living a lie. She wore the Indian clothe, got engaged in an arranged marriage situation and tried to be a good partner, daughter and daughter in law. This all came to a head a couple of days before the wedding. It was all paid for and she broke down. She could do it, she couldn’t live a lie. All the while she tried to protect her family and didn’t share with them how deeply distressed she was until it was all very late in the peace.
All this history sets the scene for what was to later unfold much later on in her life. The seeds of her confusion, not fitting in, shame, hurt, sadness, became a toxicity in her body that contributed to her developing cancer and after a 4 year battle , dying. She shared that as she slipt into a coma, she was liberated into joy, love, wholeness and what felt like whole health. She could feel and see her families ditress. It took her a little moment to understand that she was actually dying and yet she was still fully conscious and was ok. She wanted to desperately let them know that, and yet couldn’t speak. She could see and hear everything, what the doctors were saying and doing. All part of a grander plan for her life and a pivotal point of setting a new trajectory of becoming the messenger and teacher that she is today.
Marianne Love