As we continue to work with this material I find myself asking, Why do I keep my attention on that small percentage of the physical world when I am so much more ? If an atom is 99.99999 percent energy and .00001 percent physical substance then I am actually more nothing than something. This is becoming more of my awareness and it is hard to describe the process and what I actually feel inside of my body as I feel a shift starting to happen. At times I feel like a new person is emerging . Sometimes exhilarating and sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind. ( that might be a good thing) I am becoming very aware of what has been my ” knowingness” . Most of my life has been that there are external factors and people and circumstances that have dictated my reality versus living in the knowingness. What I thought having control of my life meant had nothing to do with what having control actually is. I wasn’t taught to trust myself but then who would have taught me , my anxious mother which of course I absorbed some of her beliefs about life and not having enough, even though there was always enough or that I had to be in control of everything. Or hearing her voice in my head and sometimes in real time say “you don’t know ” . Still happens but now I laugh at it and understand where it is coming from.
I realize I am starting to actually ” know” and see more and more how life is really the opposite. When I begin to think of myself as spirit experiencing matter in body and in space ,time versus the opposite things begin to change for me . It starts from feeling my body relax in such a way that my stomach begins to feel calm. I hold allot of stress in this part of my body. I did not realize just how much until I really started to commit to working with this as I have now. I feel my nervous system totally shift.
In the daily practice of the mediation I am FEELING this in my body and the connection to that ” all knowing” energy and my desire has become to experience more of this in my day to day life. I crave it I want it ! As I write this I am aware that maybe that is what I was missing and maybe just everything is in perfect timing, but that wanting, that craving for that is now much stronger in me than I have ever felt before .. I guess this is really key . No, I know now that this is the key ,that is what this whole book is about. You have to want something so bad that you will stop at nothing to get it. You have to feel it ! that’s why he emphasizes so much feeling in manifesting what we are wanting to do in our lives.